It has been a busy season and I have found myself losing me in ways I can’t say. Perhaps, it is better to say I have seen new ‘me’s in such dimensions as I haven’t thought before. I have danced to grief’s tune and in the midst of it, found joy coming on an anniversary of another distant death that remains close to me. In this period, I have lost a father that love brought my way and not too long after, got a niece on the anniversary of my own father’s death.
I have not been able to write well or read for that matter. I have struggled to recapture the joys of letters that prose brought me in reading and writing but only poetry has been gracious enough to give me some little respite. Why is it easier to write poetry in times of intense emotion? Why do we turn to it to find understanding sometimes? Is it because it is an expression of our innermost feelings that can easily be rushed and maybe later panel beaten into what shape we want? For whatever reason, it has indulged me and a few of those around me. Who knows what will come out of this indulgence?
The interesting thing of all of this, is that despite everything happening – my holding to differing confusing emotions, learning to laugh and pray again despite all, life has continued to go on. The job has never slowed and the submissions keep coming in from different clients, some asking for our traditional publishing favours, others keying into our vanity option… Our books have come out two; only last week we had our issue of Tubal Cain’s Dandaula come out in a lovely pocket size. Dr Maria Ajima’s The Dramatic Genre launched our Whiteline imprint. We are in press for two books too and soon, there will be other literary commitments and conferences to attend to. We also have two SEVHAGE Flood Collections (poetry and short story anthologies) to get out.
There’s still the emptiness that immediate grief, past losses and other
hurts bring but joyfully, presents like the niece born, of having my loved one in places where I can reach them and all bring peace. What does the future hold? Who knows? It is left for us to remember that every moment gives us the chance to be better. We have our gifts and we will be asked what we did with it someday, if not here, in the hereafter. We have our writings, our readings and our other special abilities. We might have challenges holding us at different points but we have to learn to push them away and/or overcome them in what ways we can.
The idea here now is to take a break and force a movie or two down my system, to laugh more, love more and be the best I can be to and for those whom I love. I have queued in a few writerly movies including Finding Forester, Akeelah and the Bee, The Great Debaters, The Rewrite and a few more. Yup, add that to some of the blockbusters around (Spy, the new Terminator and any other that will catch my attention). I am reading Khaled Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns too while rewriting the foreword to collections that we will soon release.
There is much to do and the clouds of grief hang about. We will hold on to the sun of pleasant tidings and the gift of our loved ones around. This season of gloom will pass and the clouds will pass. Surely, only beauty will be born. Amen.
(This post was originally written in August and published in Blueprint Newspaper – I think 🙂 … Hopefully, it still speaks. Cheers!)